My Nest of Nettles

Here is another little more in depth introduction to myself and my life.

For the past year I've been trying to lessen my screen time but I have a habit of always replacing one sight with another, I replaced instagram with pinterest, then I deleted pinterest and replaced it with youtube, ew, and then I tried to replace youtube with long vidoes on yourtube(may as well be somewhat productive right), that didnt work so I tried to not go on it then ended up going on facebook(which is even worse, exept for some reason the reels are so much better then youtube, cause its just like foraging, farms, gardening tips, cosy cooking and arty things which is annoying cause I love all those things) so I have decided that I can not get off my phone or screen or socials, because somehow it has dug itself so deeply in my mind I can never escape it, only replace it. So I think, I should admit my fate, and instead decide to learn a new skill with my screen time and create my own blog. Which is something I have always, always wanted to do. I finally will. For me, I hate what socials do to my brain, they make me more irritable, more judgmental, more negative, I get sucked into it and can spend such a long time wasting my time away, at least with this, every sigle decision will be mine, as angry as trying to put an image underneath my title is and it not working makes me want to pull my hair out, at least Im not doomscrolling, this was I will create something beautiful, that is perfectly mine and my new happy place, whearas my phone is my hell.

I dont expect people to read the random rambelings of a 17 year old girl who's drownding in school work but I want to make myself rember all of the things I love, am passionate about and what makes me, me.

My life plan, or at least plan for next year is becomeing more and more detailed as the days go on its terrifying, 139 days till my final exams, and then I'll be free. The other night I started to feel overwhelmed about it all, applying for scholarships, homework, applying for uni's, well one uni otherwise I won't go to the others because I wont be able to live in the city, but it's good to have options I guess. I started to feel a littl crazy, and then my mum came in at the perfect time when all of my desisions where running around in my head, she sat down on the ground, in my room, near me and told me that if I wanted I could become a gardener, or live in the forest property that we have that my mum bought when she was younger and we havnt been able to move to yet and become a fairy and live off wild celery and mushrooms. She said I could take a gap year or go to uni straight away next year, she said I could start growing mushrooms on our block, become a full time environmnetal activist, or plant rows of blueberrys and become a blueberry farmer who wears overalls. To be honest all of these options seem like the dream to me, and I realised and felt the comfort of the lack of stress and pressure wash over me, if I burn out completey and fail my exams, don't get into uni to do my primamy teaching course their are always other options that I will feel just as happy doing.

But I still have my biggest dream which I'm going to overshare with you, is to become a primary teacher at a waldorf, steiner or nature school, that is everything i've ever wanted, to work with kids, to be able to listen to them and care for them and help them, to paint, draw, teach, I love all of those things. I want to use my creativity and artsyness as well as love for nautre and plants and the environment. I have never gone to a alternative school like that, but my cousins did and I will always remeber the stories they would tell from there, meditation time, the beautiful colourings they would do, how they knew how to cook, sew, knit, felting do all the things I wanted so desperatly to do but had no idea how. Ive heard there's some contention around them but, I've seen how much the people I know and love, loved it and how they still look back preferring that to any school.

My musings so far are very work and school focused which is quite annying but I think these are the things I need to put into words to remind myself, what I want to do and why I want to do it so that when I start to feel overwhelmed by the pressure I have it all written down, that greatness and being succsessful all come form helping others and finding peace.

I could also never forget about how I also want to move in with my incredible boyfriend next year as well, so while I will prabably stay living with my Mum next year for a bit of it at least until I get my footing, the ultimate goal is to move in with my boyfriend of a year and 4 months but we have been friends for around3-4 years. We are either planning on buying a van together and moving into that OR fully renovation my bus which I own, I will probably do a whole page on my bus and the updates on how I'm renovating it but basically I have a bus from the 60s which is my pride and joy she just doesnt run and proably never will, ive been told shes got a couple good moves in her through so we will be able to get her towed to wherever we want when shes fully renovated and liavable. My gorgous boyfriend has been working so hard to help us get the life we want next year and im so so so so exited to finally share it with him.

I also tried strawberry-green tea today, which was a strange sensory experience that made me want strawberry tea byitself maybe not with green tea. And this is a beautiful video one of my best friends made for us recently if you want to see, I'm the one with dark hair and am the shortest. They probably wouldnt be chill with me sharing this on the internet but its a public vidoe on literal youtube so its fie.

My favourite films

If you would like to see any others here is my letterboxed.

My superstitions

Baking

I'm definatley not the best at baking, I dont think I've ever had a cookie that tasted good but I absaloutly love baking, my favourite thing to bake are;