I have a love-hate relationship with buses. On one hand, I love the sleepiness that comes with them—the way they force you to be still and to think, the way they make you stare out the window even when you try not to, the way they are so much better than cars because they don't make you carsick.
I love the way they have that shake, the reverberating buzz that makes you feel sleepy and tries to send you to sleep, or makes your skin feel tingly. I love the way that childhood feels like it comes back when you're forced to stare out the window and watch the raindrops race each other down the long and wide windows of the bus, streaming down like tears.
I like watching how the environment changes as we go further—from pasture land, to the yellow golden canola, then baby lambs and staring sheep, to tall skinny timber trees, the odd church yards, and then the houses begin and take all the wonder away... then the shops, then the lights, then the tall buildings.
But also, I despise buses because I've spent over 3000 hours on them. Here's the math if you want to check: 3 hours/day × 200 days a year going to school × 5 years = 3000 hours (and I rounded down).
All those hours feel like I could have done so much with that time—and instead, I was sitting on a bus, staring out a window, sleeping, dreaming, daydreaming, doing homework or scrolling. It feels like so much time that's been used up, never to be returned.
I say this as I am currently on a bus, in the 4/5th hour, on my way to see my Nanas. I like these long trip rural buses that travel for hours at a time, both more and less than my school bus. I like that I don't know the people—but that also goes the other way as well.
I like that most of the people are adults, so it's more quiet and more interesting to listen to conversations. But people sit next to you, which I don't really like and people don't on my school bus.
When I was in primary school, I used to get so excited to go on buses for school because my house was less than five minutes away. So when we went on school trips, I would savour the time on the bus. When I go on school trips now, I still savour it, but it's a little different.
The long-trip bus also has these strange little televisions that play mostly foreign movies and strange kids shows that don't really make any sense, but are fun to look at and try to guess what's going on.
Public buses also fill me with unparalleled anxiety that I'm going to miss my stop and trains are even worse.Edit: I got on the wrong train and then realised as the doors were closing and I nearly didnt get out the bus.
I'm also scared that someone is going to take my bag. That would suck. I like that there are phone chargers in the public buses as well. That's pretty cool.
In this trip, I've crocheted lots of bright green leaves and a couple bunting triangles and have dropped my crochet hook an unflattering amount of times. I need to figure out how to attach it to my body so it can't get lost. Like Wolverine with crochet hook finger nails.
There is always one really cool alternative person on the bus who, when you make eye contact with them, gives you a little smile. That is so much better than all the other people on the bus.
Edit: The alternative person that I saw on the bus—who I thought was really cool was at the same op shop as me the next day! How insane is that? Like what are the odds? And they were wearing really cool dress shoes and pink stockings and a cool scarf. I regret not saying hi or something, but I guess it's one of those missed opportunities that you can't go back on, and you wish you had more confidence to compliment their outfit or style or hair or anything.
I'm about to get off my bus now, I feel tingily and anxious like I could somehow forget to get off the bus or fall over when walking out the bus or something, or like when I go down the escelator that my suitcase is going to fall down and crash into all of the people. Anyway, this isnt helpful.
Lots of love,
Nettle